An inspiring story that shows the will and courage of many young Albanians who have managed to build a successful career in the Diaspora. Aferdita Hakaj has over 15 years of combined experience in the inter-governmental, non-profit and educational sectors. “The purpose of this interview is to share my story. I hope to be able to inspire and show others that they too can overcome adversity with the right support and love. You can still be a successful individual with a voice and a vision,” says Ms. Hakaj in an interview for Albanian Diaspora.
You immigrated to the US at the age of 3 and surely your memories with your hometown relate only to the stories your parents told you or not?
In 1986, at the age of three, my family fled Albanian oppression and discrimination. My father was from the village of Hakaj near Plavë, Montenegro where I was also born. My mother’s family is from the municipality of Kline but lived in the city of Pejë in neighboring Kosovo. I do have a few early but vivid memories before immigrating to the US. Our family visited often after the US intervention that took place in the 1998-1999 war in Kosovo. During these latter visits, I developed stronger memories and a connection to my heritage.
One particular memory that I am reminded of daily is an incident that my mother relayed to me. I had just begun to walk and fell into a bucket of boiling water. I suffered 3rd degree burns on parts of my arm, thigh and leg. My parents rushed me to the hospital where the medical staff didn’t provide proper or adequate treatment because we spoke Albanian. They showed no regard for my screaming and agony. They insisted that she not speak to me in Albanian as she tried to console me. My father sought help outside the discriminatory region. He was provided with a holistic healing cream to soothe my skin. This prejudicial treatment was only one of the many blatant acts of retribution that were perpetrated against my parents based on their ethnic nationality.
My parents also conveyed to me the background context of other hardships that led them to leave their homeland. My father completed his studies in Mining and Metallurgy at the University of Mitrovica in Kosovo. My mother was extremely technologically savvy with ambitions to advance her studies during the rise of the computer and internet era. My father was an active student leader and participated in the 1981 Kosovo protests led by the Albanian majority demanding more autonomy within the former Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia. Unfortunately, due to the politically repressive and dangerous climate, they both were not afforded equal opportunities to further their careers. These intolerant actions were strong motivators towards making them decide to leave their homeland. No matter how difficult the challenge was or what risk it posed to their children in the short term, the long-term payoff was worth the risk for the family’s safety and freedom.
I was three years old and my eldest brother was 9 months old when we immigrated for the land of freedom and opportunities. The journey to America was full of challenges. I have vague memories that were triggered by my parents’ stories. My brother and I were separated from my parents in Mexico and found ourselves alone with strangers. We were transported across the border to Texas and reunited with them again. The US was built on the creative ideas, diversity, and innovation of many marginalized nationalities and ethnicities. As an American citizen, I take pride in my adopted country and I am grateful for their intervention and peacekeeping efforts in Kosovo. I hope to repay the good fortune and kindness shown to us by contributing to future peaceful developments of human rights and educational policy advancements.
My mother often told us about the many adversities that led them to seek a better life in the US. She turned obstacles into opportunities, instilling values and life lessons in her children. These first-hand experiences and memories inspired my dedication to public policy, human rights, and education. I am deeply proud of my parents’ lessons and sacrifices. They serve as a catalyst of hope, courage and resilience. The scars on my body are a roadmap to strength and my identity.
How difficult has integration been for your parents?
Like many immigrants or marginalized members of society, there were many challenges integrating into a different way of life. The primary obstacle was they spoke very little English. My father could not utilize his university education or training in the US due to the language barrier. My mother arrived here with two small children, me 3 years old and my brother 9 months old. They eventually had three additional children. My parents lacked access to resources and support to pursue their respective careers.
They spent their entire savings to reach the US and money was very tight growing up. Once they secured sustainable income, they continuously provided financial support to their immediate family members back home for decades. They solicited help and financed the rescue and removal of members of our family from the Kosovo war zone. Following the crises, my parents supported many on-going family health and life emergencies, and sponsored educational endeavors. They also aided family members relocating to the US. In addition to family financial support, they were active lobbyist and funded other philanthropic initiatives for the interventional efforts to halt the 1998-1999 war. Likewise, they assisted in supplying humanitarian supplies to refugees in the conflict zone.
We were lucky to grow up in a home with parents who cared and loved us. They also loved each other very much. They had their ups and downs but somehow, they made it work. My father worked hard to honor and support his family through the good and difficult times. My mother partnered with him to build a foundation and ensure a better future for us. She raised 5 children while simultaneously managing multiple households and business affairs. My parents taught us by example the meaning of character, integrity, morals, values, work ethic, and love. Their dream for us was to do better than they did and care for each other. With much dedication and commitment to create a better life for their children, they were able to overcome adversity and become successful entrepreneurs.
You have graduated from John Jay College and have 15 years of experience in education and more. How accomplished do you feel?
Success is abstract and subjective. It can be defined in many ways. For me, it is striving to be the best version of myself. It is also believing that I can accomplish my aims and goals. It is not about winning or losing but rather learning, growing, and evolving through the process. Success is remembering to balance work with passion and self-care. If not in the workplace, with hobbies and service to others. It is also learning to say no effectively. It means you have priorities and know what you need to give your attention to at any given time. Success is paying it forward and continuing a cycle of giving back.
Failure is an integral part of success. You’re not always going to get a yes in life and there will be times you make mistakes. No one is perfect. What is poignant, is how you learn and deal with them that inspires others. Rise and stay true to yourself! It is knowing that at times you must overcome your fears, reach for support and resources. My Wings – what I mean by this is the feathers (support system) that lay on my shoulders. These feathers are dedicated to the people in my life (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) who have had a positive impact on me and that I have also made a difference in theirs. Thank you for your sacrifices, support, encouragement, healing, and love. These feathers give me the confidence and strength that at times can be lost and buried deep inside but always brought to the surface by others!
I know that I am not defined by the unfortunate incidents that have occurred in my life. I consciously make the decision to utilize those experiences in my favor and optimistically connect with like-minded others. In these respects, I feel extremely accomplished. I possess over fifteen years of combined experience in the inter-governmental, non-profit and educational sectors. I have studied International Affairs, Economics, and Law at John Jay College, Cambridge University and Penn State Dickinson Law school. My professional history includes positions such as Director of Development at Metropolitan Montessori School, Director of Development at The-Eye Bank for Sight Restoration, and Associate Director at The Center for International Human Rights, in addition to a variety of other leadership positions at the United Nations. My interdisciplinary skills have made me a unique leader with a strategic vision for positive change.
I have worked very hard to advance my education and on-the job training in order to develop transferable fundamental skills that are adaptable in the ever-changing world we live in. Through my journey, I have embraced a unique ability to be compassionate, humble, listen to not respond but to hear and communicate effectively. I am grateful for these life experiences, even the difficult and hurtful ones, which have shaped my identity and made me a strong woman.
When you worked as Director of Development at the Montessori Metropolitan School (MMS), what impressions did this experience leave on you and what did you learn?
On February 3, 2017, we went through a tragic loss in my immediate family. The matriarch and foundation of our home, my mother, passed away five days after turning 55 years old from a battle with cancer. This was a very traumatic and extremely difficult experience for us. We are all finding it hard to deal with the grief and healing of this tragedy. Through this loss, we honor her memory by remembering the values she taught us, her strength, integrity, optimism, and resiliency by continuing to pursue the dreams she had for our family.
On February 9, just 7 days after the loss of my mother I was contacted for an interview at Metropolitan Montessori School from another inspiring role model. On February 23, I started a series of extensive interviews and was able to secure the job. I learned that I had the inner strength to persevere. There were many valuable lessons working closely with the leadership as the Director of Development for MMS. First and foremost, I gained insight on how to lead from the heart and the effective productivity of teamwork. “Leadership is all about people. It is not about organizations. It is not about plans. It is not about strategies. It is all about people-motivating people to get the job done. You have to be people-centered” (Colin Powell).
Some of the impressions that I was left with are the following interdisciplinary skills: the importance of cultivating trust; building capacity and collaboration in your team; unifying and empowering a diverse group of skilled individuals who care; fostering compassion; setting firm boundaries; and the prioritization of projects for increased return. All factors that lead others to thrive and consequently provided transformative growth at the school.
With the support of a collaborative team of goodwill ambassadors, I helped secure over $3 million in philanthropic support during a three-year tenure at the school. These collective achievements tremendously impacted many students, faculty/staff and families in myriad ways.
What about the Center for International Human Rights (CIHR)?
I experienced an injustice sometime before joining the Center for International Human Rights (CIHR) in 2011. I was forced to make a life altering change and make sense of a world where I had no understanding or resources to fight back. Like many others who have experienced injustice in their lives, I reached for support and connected with others who understood and resonated with my experience. I prefer to keep the particular details of this situation private at this time but I have been able to help others behind the scenes.
The CIHR was a positive empowering professional experience. I was privileged to be mentored by a world-renowned human right academic, author and activist. I was entrusted with a large amount of responsibility as the Associate Director of the Center. During my five-year tenure, I gained valuable leadership training and experiences. Some of these skills are as follows: planning and executing of international conferences abroad, workshops and local events; providing extensive research and writing on important and trending human rights issues; grant and report writing; strategic planning and communications; operation and program management; community outreach and advocacy; rule of law; fundraising; public speaking; overseeing and mentoring personnel into leaders; recordkeeping; finance; and establishing partnerships with internal and external stakeholders.
One particular impression at the CIHR that has stayed with me was invoked by my participation at a World Health Organization (WHO) interactive seminar. I recall listening to an executive official declaring that at the time, in 2012, WHO ranked depression and anxiety disorders 3rd in the global burden of diseases but were projected to rank 1st in 2030. Keep in mind this prediction came about before the Covid-19 pandemic and its rippling impact for years to come. At the time, there were many mass shootings, a drug overdose epidemic, and high rates of mass incarcerations. I knew then that these problems would eventually affect everyone in one way or another. At some point they hit home. I realized that solutions needed to have an open and honest dialogue that did not stigmatize or neglect some of the root issues. The complexities brought about by US domestic issues as well as globalization, and the collateral damage caused by overuse in technology with decreased human interaction or connection, would continue to have long term future consequences. I initiated an annual theme at the Center on mental health and human rights which generated much interest. It spontaneously became clear to me that resolutions needed to encompass a comprehensive and interdisciplinary approach.
This professional opportunity allowed me the ability to infuse my passion for human rights and wellness with my own personal experiences. This provided me the courage to regain my confidence and allowed me once again to make the connection of impact to its constituent audience.
What about your roles at the United Nations?
Following my studies abroad at Cambridge University in the UK, I spent the summer of 2004 interning at the United Nations Interim Administration Mission in Kosovo (UNMIK). In the fall, I applied for a competitive graduate internship at the UN Secretariat. Although I was a junior in college at the time, my credentials afforded me the opportunity to intern with the Small Developing Islands Branch at the UN Department of Economic and Social affairs (DESA). This opportunity provided me extensive knowledge in the world of development, and the particularly complex and on-going natural disaster challenges facing small islands. I worked diligently at this internship that I was invited to return one year later as a staff member. I became employed at the Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) and spent some time working in both the Policy Development and Studies Branch and the Central Emergency Response Fund. I transitioned into the UN Department of Management with the Office of Human Resources.
I worked closely with the leaders of these various offices and learned greatly about the political, social and economic inner workings of the UN. I describe the UN working days as bootcamp. I sacrificed much of my personal life for 5 years while transitioning between different departments. However, in retrospect, I gained valuable knowledge and professional training that have become foundational to my career. I acquired skills in diplomacy, intercultural communication, mediation, negotiation, conflict resolution, policy analysis, organizational and prioritization of impeding projects, finance, budgeting, development, compliance, and liasoning with diverse constituents.
What are you currently engaged in?
During the 2020 Covid-19 pandemic, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Fortunately, it was found very early and removed surgically. This life altering scare made me realize how important it is to prioritize your health. I took a break from a demanding NYC career and capitalized on the lockdown time to reflect and reassess my goals and next steps. I believe it is imperative to put attention into holistic health and wellbeing. I am continuously engaged in self-awareness, mindfulness and embrace living a healthier lifestyle both mentally and physically. I believe that replenishing a healthy mind, body and spirit provide you with clarity to navigate a multitude of competing needs and obstacles.
I have also spent time refueling by revisiting some of my grounding hobbies (such as outdoor nature activities), traveling, expressive artistry, reconnecting with my circles and community, and doing the inner work necessary in order to evolve. At the moment, I am focusing on personal and other professional priorities. I am also overseeing several strategic ventures and managing various moving parts. In my opinion, a strong leader will invest in themselves in order to guide an efficient team to success. Fortunately, I possess the tool box that enables me to do so. I am eager to get back to my career but the priority for me is finding the right role and fit.
Do you often return to your homeland?
I have returned to my homeland on many occasions. More often after the war in 1998-1999. My last visit was in the summer of 2014. I have witnessed the remarkable and rapid development of the region. I contributed to a Center for International Human Rights publication, and wrote the case study on “Kosovo.” The 2011 report was titled Connecting Girls, Inspiring Future: Challenges to and Prospects for Global Empowerment. I am proud of the accomplishments women have achieved there with two female presidents in the last 13 years since its independence and the many other leaders. I’m eager to visit again in the near the future.
What advice would you give others?
Don’t give up on your dreams! If you need help and want it, you have to humbly seek professional resources because it doesn’t always come your way. Work on gathering your own feathers (support) as it takes time, effort and faith. And if others are offering assistance, then reach for it and accept it. No one can pressure you or make you be ready. You have to help yourself and do the hard work. You need to rely on your own wings!
